Received an email from a friend, a 3 part email to be exact which describe an incident which he encountered. Am going to cut and paste it here for your reading pleasure. (This is a long one, read it only when you have time, but at the end of it, I was actually laughing, believe me ... I was really laughing)
Email number 1 - Title : Drama at Taman Melawati
so where should i start ..hmm oh yes ...well some of you may have know this and some of you may not, so i ll start this all the way back 2 weeks ago ..... and the story goes ;
2 weeks ago .... well it was a tuesday and i was on my way to puchong to play badminton, so in the middle of federal high i got a call from mom , she says
mom- boy there is something in the storeroom
me- well is it a human ?
mom- no but it s moving , i can hear the plastic sound crumple coming from inside the storeroom
me - well throw the cat in there, if the cat die then call the the police, if the cat survive then it s probably a rat or frog.
mom- but boy it s moving!
me- ofcourse it s moving !! otherwise it s dead and you won t be calling me ....bye.
mom- when you come back can you go in the storeroom and see what is it ?
me- kk.... bye (conversation ended)
so the night went by with the game, and yum cha after that with me ass usual having my porridge and deep fried 'fu pei' hehe. Reach home about 1 am .. was dead tired already, so i unpack and all that, bath , was in front of the computer after that , then i was too lazy to go down to check the storeroom. Ahh what the f#@k just open the storeroom door la just to let her know that i did 'check' otherwise next morning sure got alot of things to say one. Went down went into the storeroom, switch on the light, looked around and there was nothing there but my cat curling around my leg, he did not enter the storeroom, and so i threw him and lock the door ..haha scapegoat ....and i went back to sleep ... that was about 4.40 am in the morning, mom woke up and say what am i doing, i said i out the cat in the storeroom and see how la. She open the door and let the cat out, now this i do not know.
2 weeks later (sunday 25th nov 2007) Nash came down to kl from singapore and we watch hitman ( was good) went yum cha after a day at KL i send him to his appartment to unpack and rest and i went home to shower before meeting him and boon wei up again for dinner. I reached home, as usual open the door and my bloody cat would come and curl around my leg all the way from the front door till the kitchen and he will not stop doing it until i give him food. However today was different, he was curling and curling all the was from the front door till just about when i reach the kitchen door he stop with an emergency break, refuse to enter the kitchen, so i was thinking ' what frog arr?'.... he begin to make that 'hisssing' sound, you know that sound when cats are angry, now what supprised me was that 'hissing' sound was 'replyed' with and even louder hissing sound which was something like 'HHISSSJKLGHSKDHK' !!! my cat kept quiet.
Now at first thought it sounded like a wild cat, or some of you may know it as jungle cat, and i have had encounter with jungle cat before, they are slightly bigger in size with bigger paw, in general built to kill. Naturally your normal street cat would not stand a chance should the wild cat decide to attack. Then i, again use the comando 'a la hitler' style of doing things, threw my cat in the kitchen because i want to see what he sees. As soon as he lands, he did not took his eyes off the bottom of the fridge, so i know whatever it was, it was there. So i was thinking well it must me a cub since it can fit under the fridge..hmm must have strayed from it s mother, anyway that hissing that came from it was alittle 'immature' (or so i thought )
Now cat being cat they are affraid of sound, loud sound, so if you use a stick and hit against a metal bin or your kitchen cabinet, it will come out, better still hit it against the place they are hiding. Hmmm strange it did not come out .... oh well what the F#@k , So me being me, heroic and all that took a bloody rotan which was about 50cm ( slightly longer than your typical long ruler ) shoved it under the fridge and started to wack it around. What !!! nothing came out ... and seriously i don t thing i hit anything !!! now that s strange.... so i stood there looking at the bottom of the fridge wondering .. what or where is it ???? i turn my head backwards looking at the floor thinking it may have ran like very fast to another corner or something. when i turn back .... believe me, i have seen alot of fierce animal but this is different this is life or death.!!! at the corner of the wall he came out directly went towards me and raise it s head and his side flap open up , it was a FU$#*NG COBRA, estimated at slightly over a meter with pearl balck skin ( very beautiful actually)
So, to all my friends and family please call me at 012-6669236 for yum cha apointment and to hear the coutinuation of the story, but since i am typing this, it means i am still alive so yyou may or may not be interested.
Email number 2 - Title : Drama Part 2
due to the overwhelming demand with people calling from half way across the globe (singapore) i hereby present to you the 2nd part of this story and some even calling me and telling me it s more dramatic then TVB series .. =)
General knowledge about snakes. and yes this is MY knowledge not taken from national geography channel.
No 1 - when a snake gives you that hissing sound it means he feels threaten, or you could be near his nest or you could be with another animal that could post a potential threat to the snake. In short he s asking you to F#@K OFF
No2 - when a snake stand up, it is an attack possition, this is a very dangerous sign because snakes are know to leap 5 meters from their position should they see fit to kill.
No 3 - once bitten by a cobra, it s venom will paralized the entire limp part of which is effected example if you are bitten in the left foot, which is common among kampung people and people working in the padi field your entire left leg will be paralized in under 30 sec. and in under 10 minutes depending on individual your entire body will be paralized. You are not dead at this point, you need an anti venom injected to you in the next 20 min (also depending on individual), failing to do you, you will die. In other words a cobra eats it rodent alive !
No 4 - snakes are blind, that gives them an advantage over their prey, you know why? because size in this case does not matter. you can be a cat you can be an elephant standing next to a snake but if he feels threaten enough to kill, he will strike no mater who you are. I also once read an atricle saying " a cobra can eat anything of it s scale, but it s venom can kill anything of any scale"
continue.....
so there i was standing there with the cobra ...umm well ironiclly he s also standing, i was about 1.5 meters away from the snake. sooooooo what samo i jump to the side, you imagine chow you fat jumping to the side shooting villiant with two guns bang bang bang , aa something like that only without the gun. I looked back, he glided to a hole, a kitchen hole , umm i don t know what you call it exactly but there s this hole by the kithen cabinet. I have always thought that, that was a drainage hole, you knoew the kind of hole for you to push the water out from the kitchen when you watch the floor.
Anyway so there i was sitting on a chair looking on that hole because; remember this people it is very important to NOT take your eyes off wherever the snake went, you won t know if would return, they usually come and go from the same way. While waiting for mom to come home i called the Civil defence already to also waiting, ... waiting ..... waiting ..looking ...looking ....... C%#AI like gong gong like that. The thing is i am not sure if the snake is still there or it may have left thru that drainage hole and maybe go into someone s else house. but whatever it is i still need to keep my eyes on that damm hole. So mom came back, was thinking ahh the snake is not there anymore la, so i ask her to keep a look out on that hole while i bath and all that, she bath earlier on. After my shower i came down, out of curiosity i ask my mom...
me - mom, that hole arr leads no the longkang at the back of the house one arr?
mom- no la
me - then where does that hole leads to cause maybe need to open the back door when the civil defence people come.
mom - that hole doed not lead to anywhere .
me - huh ???
mom- it s just a hole
me- what do you mean it s just a hole!!! why is that a hole there?
mom- dunno it s been there ever since.
me- so it s just a dead end hole la!
mom - yes
me (in my heart )- nia ma ka chou%$#$%# &%$*&%#$*%^#$*^#$*$%*&%$*%&$*^#$^*^%#$*^%$*^%$*&%$*&^%&^%&^$%%&*$^*%#$#$&%^)(&*_(& why is there a hole in the kitchen for 29 years that does not lead to anywhere !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TIUUU(^$#(&$#)*&$*)
So if you read part 1 up to here you will know that
I have been living with the cobra for 2 weeks ( maybe more )
I am still alive after living with the cobra for 2 weeks ( maybe more )
I know now that there is a hole in the kitchen that does not lead to anywhere
I know now that the cobra is still in there!
stay tune for the finale of this drama, find out will shammah live (obviously )and discover mom s evil side and if you notice the civil defence is still not here..!!! what the F#@K man.
Comment from Chi Too:
just a few corrections... to de-hero-fy the situation. leave it to adocumentary filmmaker to kill the drama in TVB type things.muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
fact number 2 - a cobras effective striking distance is only 2/3 it'slength... in this case, your cobra, being only about 1m in length canonly strike probably 70 cm at most. For a cobra to strike 5 metersit'll have to be a 7.5 meter son of a bitch. Fortunately for us, thelongest cobra in record is only about 5.8 meter.
fact number 4 - cobras are not blind. in fact they can see very wellin the dark.
additional fact - slightly less than 50 percent of cobra bites onhumans are not venomous. this means they can shoot blanks. the venomcan actually run out, and usually for something as big as say anelephant, or say a human, it'll probably shoot a blank just as awarning since there's no way the little fella can swallow it. Thoughit won't kill you, a blank shot will still hurt like a bitch.
Counter Comment from Shammah:
nop you need to get your facts right not me
counter fact no 2 - what you say is what you have read in books or maybe too much tv you bloddy potato couch Ci$#i.You so so have not seen a cobra leap have you ?... well i live in a god damm jungle you live in cheras, do not argue with me Fu$#er. I have seen them leap and believe me it more that 70 cm god damm you.
counter fact no 4 - i think you need to get your fact right chee, all snakes are blind. You need to re-enroll into you environmental class i'll give you a clue... do you know why they stick their tongue out ?
counter additional fact - Yes it so so true that about 50% of the bites are non-venomous strike, ok la nextime you catch it for me, you ll have a 50/50 percent chance of living or dieing, better than putting your money on a gambling table right ?
Email number 3 - Title : Drama Part 3 Finale
ok so after that scouble with my stupid cousin lets end this. Oh let me flame this F%$#er first.he called me just now asking me how did i get rid of the cobra. Well chi as much as you want me to die, i think it s going to be very naive if you think i m going to deal with the damm cobra. Ci $%$i you got bomba got pertahanan awam got zoo negara which is 5 minutes away from my house ... call la ... tiu anyway he s right on one point and only one wiich is snakes are not blind .. they are deaf. don t worry nextime i ll call you instead, since only 50% on the time their bite are venomous.
continue ....
so after 45 minutes the jabatan pertahanan awam came ( civil defence ) there was this 5 guys that came into the house, all very well built considering that i was expecting 5 fat blob to show up this is a good sign.... or so i thought .... i showed them the hole and they ask me is it still in there? i said that is a dead end hole... he gave me a look .... i was thinking exactly .... so 1 guy squat next to the hole with glove, now those fire resistant glove, should he be bitten, it s still going to be bad, i did t say anything because i wanted the job done .. anyway .... 1 guy squat about 1 meter away from the hole and holding an extended penyepit ( dunno what is it in english) and the other one standing up holding the long stick with the string loop like thingy just out side the hole. so the objective was to disturb the snake so that it will come out of that hole, and as soon as he comes out the guy with the loop thingy will pull the leaver and thighten the cobra's neck ...aiya somewhere near the head la .. so that the guy with glove can catch it.
Attemp 1 : so this fellow was poking the long stick in to the hole, nexthing you know .... HHHISSSSIDYTSIY .. and all of them was like .. ' wa garang ni' (it s very fierce).. so continue poking then as soon as his head came out the guy pull the loop ... got it ! .. nop the snake manage to retract it head and he went back in to the hole.
Attemp 2 : Refer attemp 1
Attemp 3 : Refer attemp 1 & 2
Attemp 4 : well after the same old shit happening, i begine to realise that actually the way they work also quite 'chicken hand duck leg' . i an sure i can handle those equipment batter.
Attemp 5 : GOT IT !!!!!! except this time instead of retracting it s head ... the damm cobra actually moved forward towards the guy with the glove nead the hole and was trying to attack, the guy with the loop had to twist the rod like 2x before the cobra stop, by the time that happen the loop was already at slightly more that half the body of the snake, the guy jump back knock into the fridge behind and was brave enough to step on the cobra upper body before holding its head. Once that is done the situation was consider cleared.
civil guy ask me
civil - dik dik ada guni tak
me - hah .. guni ?.. mom!!!! got guni sack or not ...( i know it was stupid to ask but just had to )
mom - don t have la, the snake catch already arr?? (sound from the 2nd floor of the house)
me - yes .. (shout)
** mom ** came down
mom- mana dia mana dia .... eeewwwwww ... BUNUH DIA BUNUH DIA CEPAT!!!!!!!!!
me - beg plastic boleh ka bang
civil - tak boleh la tak kuat ...
mom- BUNUH DIA BUNUH DIA
me- habis macam mana ?
civil 2 - tak apa kita letak 2 ular dalam kereta dalam satu beg pas tu yang ni kita pakai beg lain
me - oh ada ular lagi ke dalam van ?
mom - BUNUH DIA BUNUH DIA
cival - itu ular sawa takpe.. ular senduk (cobra) tak boleh .. nanti lawan ..
mom - BUNUH DIA BUNUH DIA
me - CAN YOU SHUT UP>>!!!!!!
so we thank them for the job well done, we also tip them 50 ringgit ... they pack up the snake and left. then i went for dinner with the gang .
P.S there is more to that conversation. i am too lazy to type already la... please call me to make yum cha arangement fo more details.
THE END.
I hope that you guys had actually enjoyed reading this as much as I did. Well ... this is in fact happened to one of my good friend. ^^
